Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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