..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
