Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
