So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize