I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
