Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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