It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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