I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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