Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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