he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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