I'm going to jail i love you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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