How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
