Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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