i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
