i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
