dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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