I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize