they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize