Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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