Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
