So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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