seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
