don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
