Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
