I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
