I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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