Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
