I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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