I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
