So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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