your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
