your room smells of hookers.
And success
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
