Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
