I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
