Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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