I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
