my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
