I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
