no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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