Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
