Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
