You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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