So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize