Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
