I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
