how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
