I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
