i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
