Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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