She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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