I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
