your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
