Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
