There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'd cum for enchiladas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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