Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
