I seem to have left my pride at pride
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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