You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
