walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Randomize
