Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
