he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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