i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
