So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
