I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize