R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
