If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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