he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
