Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
