i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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