If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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