I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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