I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
