I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
